Several months ago, the decision was made (I am not totally sure by whom) to impose 10 digit dialing upon the people of Phoenix, Arizona and surrounding communities.
I was unhappy with this decision because I had had trouble remembering seven digits while I dialed, and I anticipated (correctly) having even more difficulty remembering ten.
Also, ten digit dialing gives you three more chances to mis-dial.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah... and being a math guy I figured that there were approximately 10,000,000 different possible ways of combining seven digits, so, since there are nowhere that many adults living in the Phoenix area, (or in Arizona for that matter) something seemed dreadfully, conspiratorially wrong.
Since my good friend, Roy, was a former employee of "the phone company", it seemed only natural to call him up and bitch at him good naturedly about the moral menace of ten digit dialing.
When I called Roy to bitch, he wasn't home.
So I, being worked up as I was, bitched at his answering machine, at length, and rather creatively, if I do say so myself, suggesting exquisite tortures and grave punishments for those who I surmised to be responsible for the ten digit travesty: namely the various executives of the local phone company and the Arizona Corporation Commission (a notoriously corrupt gang of booty pirates if there ever was one).
So imagine my surprise when months later, Roy played for me a recording he had made from the answering machine recording of my diatribe entitled "Local Lunatic".
Please rest assured that Roy's song represents no serious advocacy of horsewhipping or of executing anyone.
It is merely my friend, Roy, directing the intense beam of his satirical musical genius onto my silly recorded diatribe.
Besides, it would be necessary to amend the US constitution to execute and horsewhip all those people since neither Roy nor myself actually believes in ever doing anything illegal.
Which probably wouldn't be worth all the trouble it would take.
So please enjoy Roy's fine song and don't take my Stalin like ravings too seriously.
Sincerely,
Jack
Local Lunatic
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